haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
