I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This is classic penis vs brain.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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