At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
