A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
