Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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