I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
