After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't turn off my feet"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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