I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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