I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
