I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
