I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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