I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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