First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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