hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
