i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
