If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You pole danced in your parka.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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