My cat gives me a boner
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm at about main and main street
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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