I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
