walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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