somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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