please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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