exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
