You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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