just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I accidentally had phone sex last night
In America we eat man semen.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
