He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
