i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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