This is not my ceiling
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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