so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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