Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
