Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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