sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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