my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
