If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Enjoy the penises
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
