it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
