Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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