if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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