Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
