I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
