return my video game
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
