im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
