my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
