Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Farmville is her only friend.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They have beer where we have blood.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
