We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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