just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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