Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.