Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here