sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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