if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
