He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
