he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
