What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
