Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
