Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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