Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
