sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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