At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
