We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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