remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Watching her eat just hurts me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
