there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
