listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
