well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
