I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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