You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
